New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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