escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
