You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
