i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
