He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
