I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
