I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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