I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
