omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
