I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
