Got a toothbrush?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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