please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
