I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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