walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize