I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
