But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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