he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
