i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
