im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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