she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
