We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
