Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
