I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
