I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
