Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
