No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
