My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize