Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
