that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize