he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize