Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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