do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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