her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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