The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize