I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
