Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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