i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
