I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
