Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
