I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
