he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
