dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
