You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
