This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
