brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
