my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
