Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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