It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
