its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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