the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
