Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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