it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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