every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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