I look better un-naked...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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