mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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