Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
