Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
