My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
