There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
