clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
