the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this just has baby written all over it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
