Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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