I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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