I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pants are for mortals
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
