I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
