I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
