I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
