Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
