k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize