We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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